Thankful.

 

I had two kids under the age of two. While I was on maternity leave, we made an offer on this farm. A month after I went back to work, we started the long process of moving. My husband was working all these 16 hour shifts, some overnight, at the time.  It was just my littles and me. I remember getting him to sleep in the car, wearing her while I packed the car, trying to drive over to the other house before he woke. Then I'd unpack the car at the farm, head back to the other house and get her to sleep while he helped me repack the car. Repeat.

Then in this house, it was one thing breaking after another. Frozen pipes. No washer. No dryer. No dishwasher. Broken freezer (with all contents thawing on a 90 degree day in July). Broken fridge. No water pump. No furnace. I remember getting up for work 19 times the winter before last and thawing pipes with a hairdryer, with a kid on my back. 

It always seems like it's been something these last 2 years. Whenever something is going on, that's when the biting, kicking, screaming, pulling hair commences. Every emergency wouldn't be complete without the ultimate brawl or meltdown.

I share all this not for pity, not for competition sake and not to complain. These are real struggles that I face and I imagine I am not alone. I strive for peacefulness and calmness at home. There's been quite a few days that I've fallen short. Some days I have worn that stress on my face, body and spirit.  And that totally leads to my kids feeling unbalanced too. 

I've been working on this.  Usually anything 'extra' can set me off, perhaps a bathroom construction project in particular could set me into a panic. As of late, this construction we have going in our house now is for the (hopeful) future goodness of our farm. Not because something is broken.  I am relaxed and happy thinking about the next steps.  I am thankful for the help we are receiving. I am overlooking the messy floors and clutter. I smile dreaming of good things to come.

I think they can sense my peaceful thoughts, as they have been getting along famously as of late, playing together by the hour.

There's two ways to go about the days we have with our littles. With a steady stride or with a stressed stumble.  I need to keep aiming for the steady, I can see what a difference it makes right here.