Lately it seems what I'm doing most is spinning my wheels. I'm working through one pile while another is starting. I put away the last of the laundry and they are all stripping from mud play. "Wait, who took what from you?" I think I make enough food for two meals, but they eat it all and claim they are still hungry. "You're bleeding, do we have any more bandaids?" Or like the picture above, I assume the toys are put away and the kitchen is clean, but they were merely deposited in the fridge. "And what broke now?" So far our washing machine, the coop door, porch door, cookie jar (ruining all the cookies in it) and vacuum cleaner during this 'stay at home' time. "Why are you crying now?" "Where is my coffee? Great. It's cold. Again." I feel like a hamster, spinning and spinning, with no way to get off.
People talk about spending this extra time at home doing home projects, trying new recipes, reading books for pleasure, learning a new hobby, sprawling out on the hammock, etc. Truth be told, while all that seems glorious, I'm not able to do much of anything beyond my normal lately, and I'm barely keep up with the normal. These last few days I have found myself in tears all too often, feeling like that hamster who cannot get off the wheel.
It's the life of many mothers to sacrifice everything to give the best childhood possible to their littles. It's so easy for me to get bombarded with the swarm of areas that are far from perfection, but I'm trying to reign in those non-helpful feelings and instead reflect on the gift of being able to be their mom. Although I don't feel like I'm enough lately, I am reminding myself that not only am I enough, I was chosen to be their mom. I have what it takes. You do too. You keep carrying on and I will too. You keep looking for that joy and I will too (three joyful moments below). Happy Mother's Day.